Her presence was immediately felt in the room. I have heard Dutch people talk about this specific thing. I used to laugh about it, but after having spent some time here I really can see what they’re talking about.
Her volume of speech was much higher than anyone else in the room and it made me uncomfortable how everyone stopped speaking to listen to her- almost as if they felt forced. My friend is an extrovert by nature. She loves people, she loves hugs and she loves to talk. Naturally gets excited, and when she sees something that someone does well, she will be the first to praise them and pay a compliment. It is one of her nicest qualities.
Meanwhile what I noticed about the Dutch is when you pay a compliment one time is enough, anymore comes off a bit much, or not genuine. Even if that is not the intention of the person paying the compliment.
So when my friend paid a compliment and repeated it a couple of times I could see their faces change, almost as if they were saying: ‘Ok, thank you, but please act normal’ (Doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg –> Just act normal, that’s already crazy enough) without saying those specific words.
Much to my surprise, my friend never noticed this, and that’s when I began to question- could it be possible that some of the Dutch habits have rubbed off on me, or am I just more culturally aware because of my time here?
This May marks 8 months in the Netherlands for me. It has been quite a while since I have seen a familiar face, especially on this side of the world. So it was quite a treat when my friend – being an American expat living in Paris, France decided to come visit my new home country the Netherlands. I knew it would be an interesting exchange between her and the Dutch, but I didn’t know to what extent.
As an American, she learned how to not draw attention to herself, but blend into the French scenery. Now that the Netherlands is my home, I was just positive she also would easily bring this new found knowledge to here. After all, Holland and France are both considered Europe in an American’s eyes- true story.
5 Valuable distinctions and helpful tips
I inserted this link above from one of the best books on culture, written by the acclaimed author Richard Lewis ‘When Cultures collide’. Let me help you navigate through this book.
You will find an excellent description of both the United States (pages 179-186) and the Netherlands (pages 243-250); each divided in:
- Culture: Values
- Concepts: Leadership and Status / Space and Time
- Cultural Factors in Communication: Communication Pattern/ Listening Habits / Behaviors at Meetings & Negotiations / Manners and Taboos
- How to empathize with the US ot the Netherlands
- Motivating and Avoiding
Eye openers
This experience of looking through the eyes of my fellow American friend was a true eye opener to me and me me realize a couple of things:
- Expats can experience similar emotions in a different new country, but go on completely different journeys.
- Expats will feel and act like a tourist or visitor in a country they are not trying to make a home
- Listening more and asking genuine questions will gain you more favor with locals of a new country.
- Spending time in a new country will enrich your perspective on human interaction.
Where did you experience intercultural eye openers, dear readers? I’m very curious to hear your stories. Thanks already in advance.
Warmly,
Henriëtte