Probably you think you’re really good in changing, aren’t you? I mean, after all you effortlessly navigate in a complex international environment day in, day out. Still it can be a huge challenge to create the real change for you!

 

Why blogging on this topic? Because I have been around here long enough to know I’m not the only one struggling with this so called ‘immunity to change’.

 

Let’s imagine the following situation:

“Every day this guy goes to this bar after work hours and orders three glasses of malt whiskey. And he sits there at the bar, in front of him three glasses of whisky and this scene repeats itself every day one day after another.

 

The bartender becomes more and more curious each day, and one fine day when the guy sits at the bar again with the three glasses in front of him, he asks: ‘ I know it’s none of my business but may I ask you why you always order three separate glasses of whiskey, because I could also give one bigger glass if you like?’

 

So the guy starts explaining:’ We are with three brothers, and we all used to live here in town and we had developed this habit of getting together every day after work, we would meet up at a bar and have a drink while reflecting on our day. But my two brothers had to move because of their work. So one lives at the other side of the country now and the other moved to Canada. We agreed upon continuing this habit by each going to a bar after work in our own time zone, having our whiskey while musing the day.’ Well the bartender thinks, beautiful habit and nice way to get together as brothers.

 

Then one day the guy comes in and orders two glasses of malt whisky. He sits at the bar and drinks. For all the days to come there is this same repeating pattern. The bar tender feels very uncomfortable about this and is puzzled at the same time. He is hesitant to raise a question about the third glass, nervous to hear tragic news.

 

One day he can’t resist his curiosity. He musters up his courage and goes up to the guy sitting at the bar drinking his two glasses and says: ‘ I know it’s none of my business but may I ask you why you’re ordering two glasses of malt whiskey instead of three?’

The guy turns to him by saying: ‘I quit drinking!’.”

 

What we see in this example are beliefs, an internalized truth we hold about how the world works, how we work. This is an example about assumptions that make each hidden commitment feel necessary. These assumptions lead to the very behaviors that undermine, rather than support, our goal for change.

 

 

This so called ‘immunity to change’ – inspiring researcher of this mental model Robert Kegan– what gets in the way to actually reach our desired goal is an area which I explore in working with my clients.

 

As Kegan puts it: ‘Choose a goal that would make a big difference, one you truly want to achieve’ – pressing the gas pedal.

And ‘what are you not doing to support you reaching your goal?’- pressing the breaks. In other words this is the immune system ‘protecting’ providing you with hidden beliefs, fears and undesirable outcomes. Feel free to fill out your: ‘immunity to change worksheet’

 

Carlos from Latin America

I’m fascinated about this phenomenon. One of my international clients inspired me to write this blog: Carlos comes from Latin America and for some time he dreams to move to the United States, leaving his Latino life behind and starting all over again. The bigger a dream the more challenging and frightening as well.

 

Over the course of our coaching sessions we worked a lot on this dream making it big, beautiful and lively, using:

• Visualizations
• Exercises
• Cultural Orientation Framework: this questionnaire helps us to uncover hidden and limiting cultural assumptions, by replacing them with more effective ones.

 

On pressing the breaks:

Carlos had big question marks about whether trading his familiar life, his job for an unknown place, leaving his company, leaving from a city where he had his family and friends to an unfamiliar new place in another country would be the best decision.

 

On pressing the gaspedal:

Once we were able to uncover hidden competing commitments related to worries, we were able to replace these, ingrained assumptions, with more effective ones.

 

Carlos ‘worldview’ as Philip Rosinski describes it, was enlarged and expanded towards embracing more complexity.

A question for you working in a global or international environment: What does it take to go beyond what’s comfortable for you, to expand and stretch beyond your comfort zone to creating the change you want for yourself? Which limits have been brought up for you in re- shaping or re-programming your ‘worldview’?

 

We identified when Carlos’ ‘stuck ness’ – pressing the breaks was having a ball, at which defining moments by:

• Identifying quite specifically what his ‘stuck ness’ looks like and when it was showing up
• Practicing breathing- and mindfulness exercises
• Creating awareness around being at choice at any given moment
• Making the process of ‘the big’ change manageable in a safe, modest and actionable way
• Creating a neurological mental path to the desired outcome: by taking mini steps, tiny small steps heading towards the dream;
• Have it look like an experiment being open and curious to every new development

 

At some point Carlos’ sense of ‘stuck ness’ became fluid and the seesaw started to tip to the other side.

 

 

Rollercoaster

From that time on Carlos’ life was like a rollercoaster. He made arrangements for his apartment, with his company and had to take care of a lot of practicalities. At the same time he started with his arrangements for his ‘new life in the US’. His courage gave him a boost of energy. Four month later, Carlos started two post – graduation courses in San Francisco.

 

Carlos’ big leap started very small, safe and modest. I know you smoothly transition in your international environment; as long as your old sticky habits transition with you, you will not be able to create a real change. Not even being at the other side of the planet. Just start changing like Carlos did in a safe and modest way changing.

 

Upon finishing the last sentence of this blog, I also finished the last delicious milk chocolate, in red foil wrapped (for the experts: ‘cool’ chocolate inside), Lindt Easter egg….again another day in which my immunity to change struck me.

 

And which hidden beliefs, behaviors and undermining assumptions get in the way of all this?

 

Love to read where you need to let go of in order to make sense of the complexity of your daily international environment! Please share your immunity to change with us! Now how ‘immune to change’ are you?

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and by the way Happy Easter.

Fondly,

 

Henriëtte